Born This Way?

Excerpt taken from the Lyrics Born This Way by Lady Gaga:

I'm beautiful in my way

'Cause God makes no mistakes
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born this way
Don't hide yourself in regret
Just love yourself and you're set
I'm on the right track, baby
I WAS BORN THIS WAY

Oh there ain't no other way
Baby I WAS BORN THIS WAY
Baby I WAS BORN THIS WAY
Oh there ain't no other way
BabyI WAS BORN THIS WAY
I'm on the right track, baby
I WAS BORN THIS WAY

I WAS BORN THIS WAY hey!
I WAS BORN THIS WAY hey!
I'm on the right track baby
I WAS BORN THIS WAY hey!
I WAS BORN THIS WAY hey!
I WAS BORN THIS WAY hey!
I'm on the right track baby
I WAS BORN THIS WAY hey!


Same DNA, but born this way.
Same DNA, but born this way.

Dear Lady Gaga,

I doubt it... LOL

Constantly Consistent

Hahahaha. Lawak sangat statement ni. Because aku rasa.... Aku sangat bersemangat buat something tapi aku lack execution. Macam contohnya BLOG ni. Aku SANGAT SUKA menulis. Tak tipu. Aku boleh tulis panjang-panjang kat kertas. Dalam otak apa la yang nak letak kat dalam blog yang papa kedana ni. But then banyak sangat benda2 yang menghalang. Ini adalah list kenapa aku malas blogging walaupun aku wish aku tak sangat:

1. Kena TYPE apa yang aku fikir

Solution: Order seorang typist yang suka menaip untuk kerja. Seeloknya orang yang tgh practical so die tak charge tinggi or charge langsung (haha aku hina)

2. Kena BUKAK komputer. Kau tau tak ini masalah besar. Untuk converse energy (haha. aku tgh dengar bestfriend aku mengutuk statement menipu ini) kite perlu tutup ALL electrical appliances.. So sah2 la si laptop ini bukan terbuka untuk convenience aku terus mencurah idea2 yang mungkin bernas atau tak bernas. But you would never know because....AKU TAK BLOG ABOUT IT.

Solution: Hmmm... write it down on a piece of paper then ikut step 1. Wah!

3. Aku dan INTERNET... Ade love hate relationship. AKU SAYANG INTERNET. GILE KALAU TAKDE LEXIS / CLJ!!!!!!!!!!! Akan tetapi. Die useful untuk kerja. And untuk leisure aku sangat prefer untuk maybe hiburkan hati aku dengan failbook atau menengok gambar2 menarik di bored panda yang honestly aku boleh habiskan like ONE WHOLE DAY. Wait.. aku dah miss point aku. OH! ha... so aku dan internet mmg slow sikit. Because blog bagi aku adalah satu social thing maka aku MALAS.... Kau tau tak betapa aku proof read what i say before i post it? hahaha. Even THIS post yang nampak sangat simple.

Solution: Paksa bestfriend aku lebih banyak menulis pasal die lebih aktif berinternet dan gigih dari aku...

4. Ha dan finally. ni yang paling nyata... Solution2 di atas ni hanyalah satu distraction of the core issue. Aku nak lebih rajin menulis. So the point is simple is to start writing. I had this huge writer's block for almost ALL my life. And when i mean BLOCK i mean i write occasionally and sometimes i score. But then I am not AJ (Maybe that's why i am deep down a little bit jealous of her). I could not produce a piece every single time i fire up my computer. So This is me overcoming that. Apa yang aku try nak achieve from today onwards adalah: Write more and try to write more casually....

P/S: aku sedar mungkin aku takde readers. siapa baca dormant blog? tapi maybe overtime. Dengan usaha akan ade hasil. hahaha.. worse come to worse ini jadi diary aku. senang cerita. Oh... and maybe tambah pics u know... lagi ceria blog ini. haha..

How do you measure gender??

How do you measure gender??

Dressing, ASSETS, the way you are? haha..

i was actually taken aback when one of my distant aunty actually asked me whether Im a boy or girl. straight to my face. hahaha..

I appreciate the SINCERITY. but seriously...

1) rambut aku tak berapa nak mcm jantan. or pengkid.. but i take it as a compliment la. rambut aku mcm anuar zain kan :P

2) aku tau la badan aku macam runway airport.. but again... hahahaha.. jgn la hina mcm tu sekali.

3) aku tau la muka aku tak berapa nak ayu or putih or licin.. aku just naturally malas nak jaga.

4) aku tau la badan aku hot kan. kurus dan berotot berbanding dgn yg lain bulat bulat belaka.

5) aku pakai seluar pendek. tapi at least bukan hotpants or baju melekat kat badan macam nak mintak rogol.

6) selipar aku tak mcm selipar pompuan. sebab slipar pompuan tak kental. kalau lari kena kejar anjing confirm putus.

So what is left for you to judge? afterall aku bukan mintak anak kau pinang aku. tak mintak pon nak jadi menantu kau. tak heran pon sebab bukan kau yg bagi aku makan. tak heran pon sebab bukan aku nak suap kau makan.

whatever it is. i appreciate and love myself. when everyone would die to have a body like mine. why should i bother about what people say. YANG PENTING AKU HAPPY :)

cheers :)

Politics

And now that i've started why stop eh?

OK.. I will vote.. I hate the government. HATE HATE HATE..

But hey. Look at it this way. I have my education. And most of my friends are educated people.. of all races.

I know the govt have been screwing with us so long. But now that we have a strong opposition maybe they will toe the line...

And giving credit where it's due. The country turned out fine so far. I mean there is A LOT that we need to be proud of. Suppression of freedom of speech? yes. I see that as a problem too. BUT to be fair, the voices against the govt are not TOTALLY stifled. And people have access to the information they need to make an informed decision.

I will be making an informed decision when voting. I will PROBABLY be slamming the govt sometime in my future posts. but hey.. that's why it's informed decision and not blind following.

And so far ambiga, the protest for having to notify 10 days in advance? not to mention the seksualiti merdeka (and defacing the word merdeka at that).. come on... there needs to be a line SOMEWHERE.

nukilan hati di malam hari... lagi..

Cheers

Been So Long

This is the journey so far. Me and my bestfriend are no longer roommates. This is the biggest challenge ever. Imagining not waking up AFTER your best friend has relented to use the shower before you. Just so you can get that extra 15 minutes of blissful sleep. That one person who you have lived the BEST days of your life. The passing time shoved me right into the real world and it isn't pretty.

I question my judgment everyday. I question my choice of career every time I'm working. And every single time memory beckons me to its arms. I will always relive the glorious blissful days that was with my bestfriend.

I wished every day that i had appreciated time more..

To all those who are lost and happen to be reading this.. if you're of school-going age and life suck at school it will not in uni. If you're in college and you THINK you're life suck in uni... PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE appreciate it. The grass is definitely GREENEST in your era. If you are working like me... God help us all.

Nukilan hati di malam hari.

Cheers

Unlucky

I am at a point where LIFE just refuse to move. I have for the past 4 weeks spend my time reliving each joyful moment that has occurred during my final semester.

And while writing this i have a big lump on my throat. I MISS MY LIFE. and most of all i miss TAYAN. i miss the simple everyday life where everything was so sure and i am safely in my room reading a book while tayan is on her computer beating my butt in plants vs zombies.

THAT was my life. It may not seem like much but to me it meant everything. the stability, security and the best friendship.

fast forward to the now --->

I have nothing on the line. I'm not waiting for something definite to begin. There is no future date where something begins for me. This is not a holiday. This is LIFE ON HOLD. and i am not liking it.

BUT. i digress. The point of this post is basically to tell people the obvious FACT OF LIFE. some people are born under a lucky star that no matter how much you surpass them in academic excellence, they are the ones who has LIFE FIGURED OUT.

FOR some bloody reason i don't have interviews line up all this week when i damn sure should have.. No one is knocking on my door, falling over each other to get to me...

NO.. i wasn't born under the same damn star...

THEY have something definite to go to. THEY don't have life on hold. In actual fact THEY have moved on while I twiddle with my thumb looking at my own future placed in my palm without a clue of where i'm going...

damn..

I hate blogging

hahahaha.. Let me explain. the thing is i have a lot to say. Views to give. Food to comment. Circumstances to analyzed. And i do ALL this in my head. Writing it in the blog i have in my head..

But this is what happen. I FINALLY sit in front of the computer and what happens? nothing. I have no desire to share anything. It could be because i intend to upload a picture but is not using my computer which HAS the picture. or maybe talk about people i care not to think at this moment.

SO this is one of this moment. Isn't it amazing how i started not wanting to write anything but now going on to my THIRD paragraph??? yup.. hahaha.. and now I'm all warmed up. LETS BEGIN!

Ok firstly, its not so much that i HATE my batch (though it wouldn't be inaccurate to say that) that i don't want to go to the bloody law grad dinner. It's just that its so bothersome. I don't want the trouble of being civil to people i BARELY stand. I mean yes, i can stick with the people i do stand but because i'm not in their "circle" i can't understand their language. AND people in a circle have their own language they inflict on "outsiders" in a manner most infuriating that you know you're being laughed at for not understanding. How do i know this? well because i was in a circle. Thus was guilty of that offence. KARMA.

Secondly, i just can't stand events like this. I don't like it. I'm sure somewhere later in life, i might have to endure this but until the time comes when i'm obligated to do something i don't like, i won't be stupid enough to volunteer for it and also not stupid enough to pay for it.

AND finally. The people are so bossy. WHO THE FUCK cares what I FUCKING DO in my life. Does it matter to you that i'm not burning RM100 to go somewhere i don't wish to be. Does it matter that it's the final time we will have dinner together? WOULD IT SURPRISE YOU TO LEARN THAT I DON'T CARE SHIT IF I EVER SEE YOU AGAIN?

NO I DON'T WANT TO TAKE THE BLOODY PICTURE AND YOU DON'T NEED TO THREATEN ME ABOUT IT.
NO I DON'T CARE FOR MEMORIES OF HAVING BEING YOUR FRIEND
NO I DON'T WANT TO GO

What i cherish is the time i chose to keep in my heart. no amount of time i take a picture or go to the dinner will capture those special moments... So leave me be. I did not bother your life.. so KARMA states you can't bother mine

buried hopes

Masa saya seorang budak kecil dulu2 akan ade iklan pasal permainan atau pon filem yang akan menyelitkan satu bahagian di mana budak2 sedang bermain. Satu insiden yang paling melekat di dalam hati saya adalah bermain bot kertas. Selalunya di dalam filem atau iklan itu, bot itu akan terapung dan nampak gah. Suatu hari kakak saya belajar membuat bot kertas. Saya sangat teruja.Kami pon meletakkan bot itu di dalam satu besen air. Tetapi ia langsung tak macam iklan. Ia tak menyeronokkan malah tak nampak gah langsung. Saya kecewa sangat sehingga perasaan saya ketika itu masih lagi saya dapat rasa. Haih... Di dalam buku anne of green gables, Anne telah memetik satu kata dari buku yang pernah dibacanya. Ia berbunyi begini "my life is a perfect graveyard of burried hopes"

Saya baru membaca buku anne ketika umur saya 21 tahun. akan tetapi walaupun insiden yang telah saya ceritakan itu berlaku 15 tahun yang lalu saya rasa ia boleh diaplikasikan dalam kisah ini.

Semasa saya di sekolah rendah kite perlu isi satu kolum berkenaan cita2 kita apabila dewasa. Walaupun saya mengaku saya sudah berjaya memenuhi satu impian saya iaitu untuk belajar undang2 dan menjadi peguam, di dalam proses itu beberapa mimpi and impian saya yang lain terpaksa dilepaskan. Mereka adalah-

1. DJ Radio
2. Pengacara TV atau Pembaca Berita
3. Juruterbang
4. Doktor Veterinar
5. Angkasawan
6. Arkitek
7. Doktor


Saya pasti hidup orang lain juga ada "perfect graveyard of buried hopes" tapi saya yakin atau cuba meyakinkan diri saya bahawa semua yang terjadi ada hikmahnya. Antara cita2 saya yang paling besar adalah menjadi doktor veterinar tetapi saya alah dgn bulu haiwan..

Saya ingin memetik dari lirik Katy Perry di dalam lagu firework

Maybe the reason why all the doors are closed
So you can open one that leads you to the perfect road

Mungkin....