The video of last month's 1Utama Unicef Flashmob

The video of last month's 1Utama Unicef Flashmob

Last month... RandomAlphabets and Unicef organized a flashmob
in One Utama. The mission? Raise awareness about child abuse. The
effect on shoppers? You'll see ;)

http://malaysia.youthsays.com/chiphamim/unicefflashmob

moot [the end]

Putting all this down in words is so hard. and just now i saw Arinah walk the corridors of AIKOL with the same haunted expression as i myself must have worn at my lowest. i think the story should be written down. wipe my hands clean off and hopefully leave this burning hurt behind.

Going in as a law student of IIUM, you would be stupid not to know what the hell mooting was. Even in matrix they had workshops for it. During my batch of 2006 the workshop was conducted by Miss Siti Aliza Alias and Miss Nani respectively in two separate halls. This was to prepare us for the course Basic Legal Methods where a moot will be conducted as part of the curricular.

So the interest began there and people were ready to take it up in Gombak. But the hype of first year made me lose focus of what i wanted. So instead I joined debate naturally. And by naturally I mean debate was not new territory. Everyone knows what debate was since SCHOOL. And they were very accessible. They held tryouts weekly. Practice. And new people were welcomed to join. So "naturally" debate was my outlet. But not for long. I joined one competition and knew it was not for me. Having to have such general knowledge at your fingertips and having so little preparation left me with a feeling that it was way too messy for me to handle. Then life as a student took control and I enjoyed myself. Immensely.

At the end of my first year, Dr Aiman Nariman told me and a few friends to try out for moots. Unfortunately the tryouts was held yearly at the end of every first semester. So I waited.

In my second year we had Compulsory Moots. (yes AIKOL loves mooting) and our lecturer was Miss Siti Aliza Alias. At the end of the class she asked a few students (including yours truly) to join the moot workshop as briefing before the next tryouts. Again at this point, there was no advertisement. Mooting is SUCH an exclusive society that it was almost a secret one. But that I would soon learn is a great trait.

During the workshop Prof Naqib gave a brief lecture on Public International Law. Then the issue that we had to prepare for tryouts was given out. With zero knowledge and at a confused state of mind I prepared the issue best I could. My bench on the tryout was Raja Bad, Madam Suzana and Kak Fitah. Yes. KAK FITAH. Was marvelous.. I plunge it. And she attacked (as she should). i crumbled but held my grounds. The ONE clear thing from that day was a question that i was successfully able to answer. And by successful I meant I knew the answer and I directed her accordingly to my authority. The rest was nothing short of a train-wreck.

That day I spent crying...

So imagine my surprise and relief that I survived the tryouts and was one of the lucky four handpicked by Kak FITAH HERSELF! to be in Media Law 2009.

MEDIA LAW 2009 was overwhelming. I am unable to put in words my whole experience. The sleepless agonizing nights. The intensive training and the one who shaped us all newbies was Kak Fitah. She was there every single night despite still chambering and had to juggle grueling work while at the same time training us just by the sheer love of mooting itself.

The thought that the university was prepared to send us to London makes me appreciate the magnanimity of it all. Besides going to Mecca when I was a little girl (in which i have no recollection whatsoever), I have not traveled outside of Malaysia. And suddenly I was representing the university in London!

Kak Fitah was hard on us and we pushed hard. The whole experience was surreal. At all points I question my decision for joining because moot is life-changing. It absorbs everything and break your very essence. Needless to say I was very traumatised but confusingly excited at the same time. I LOVED mooting as much as i despised it. I could almost imagine my 2 side arguing as different person while i warily stand on the sideline.

But the competition itself.. damn... I was in my element. The people we met, the rounds we went through, the questions, the judges. Adrenaline pumping, my head was pounding. I never knew orals could be so fun.

My regret was perhaps not being all i could be. i wish i was older, more experienced. I wish that maybe by winning I could convince myself that I am good enough. Its childish. But moot and debate traced back to the desire to feel good. I want to bring the trophy home and shove it in front of my school teacher's face and show her that I was good enough for the school. I have always been good enough. I am not some faceless script-writer who watches her friend speak her words for her. Yes. School has ended but i was still scarred with rejection..

But moot (or maybe time?) changed that. After media ended, moot was more than a cure for that memory. It was a life. So i managed to move past that.. Moot was bigger than petty revenge.

BUT then 2nd sem results came out..... hahahahahaha. Imagine. Less than 3 weeks after the competition was final exam! do the math.. :p

So with not so heavy heart (because i still remember the desperation i felt during training and though it was worth it in the end, the smell of moot room just reminded me of the bad times, the fights, the work, the arguments, the long long hours...)i quit mooting...

Life took control and though I always had the itch. I didn't give in. Until IHL....

I worked so hard. I learned from ALL my mistakes in media. I was more matured in my thinking and my work. I did not waste time. I did not procrastinate. Was it as depressing? surprisingly no. Without a trainer or a coach, yes it was difficult because we needed that person who can point out what we did wrong, what we are doing wrong. But i think in all honesty we manage pretty good.

During the competition itself, first round, i sucked! we won but nerves got the best of me. it was full 5 minutes before i warmed up and i was the first speaker! sigh~
But i thought that in the end we were better than in practice. I was feeling ok.

The second round though... damn! haha.. i really felt good about myself. I was confident..

My opponents for first round was USIM who have grown so much in terms of moot. and UUM just sucked. i have the video to prove this claim.

SO imagine my surprise when UUM went into the semis and went out to win the whole competition in the most undeserved manner....

and we lost.. in preliminaries.......

and my heart just broke into pieces.

So i say goodbye to moot now and forever. i wish to never revisit the painful memory of losing. because though we could have been better, (given time we would be) we were the best in the competition. I am profoundly proud of my juniors. And thoroughly sorry that I could not lead them to win it all..

MOOT [the end]

p/s: never join moot unless you have a tayan... because at the end of the day, someone needs to glue you back to pieces. To hold you while you cry.

who knows just how much it hurts because she loves you so much she understands.

44,000+ Malaysians have said yes to an exciting life. Have you? - YouthSays Campaign - YouthSays.com

found this on youthsays.com. very useful if you want to spice up your life and try something new. :)


44,000+ Malaysians have said yes to an exciting life. Have you? - YouthSays Campaign - YouthSays.com

Jawatankuasa Fatwa tolak bukan Islam jadi peguam syarie

MELAKA 17 Dis. – Muzakarah Jawatankuasa Fatwa Majlis Kebangsaan Bagi Hal Ehwal Agama Islam hari ini membuat keputusan menolak sebarang pelantikan individu bukan Islam sebagai peguam syarie.

Pengerusinya, Prof. Emeritus Tan Sri Dr. Abdul Shukor Husin berkata, keputusan sebulat suara itu diambil dengan mengambil kira beberapa perkara utama yang tidak melayakkan individu bukan Islam untuk menjadi peguam syarie di Mahkamah Syariah.

Menurutnya, dari segi teknikal, jika peguam bukan Islam sewaktu perbicaraan melakukan kesalahan menghina mahkamah, dia tidak boleh diadili dan dibicarakan di Mahkamah Syariah.

‘‘Kita tidak boleh bicara peguam bukan Islam di Mahkamah Syariah kerana mahkamah ini khusus untuk orang Islam,” katanya ketika ditemui selepas mempengerusikan muzakarah kali ke-92 itu di sini hari ini.

Majlis bermula Rabu lalu dan berakhir hari ini itu dihadiri kira-kira 22 ahli jawatankuasa fatwa kebangsaan terdiri daripada mufti negeri.

Abdul Shukor berkata, seseorang yang mahu menjadi peguam syarie perlu berkemampuan untuk mengetahui syariat-syariat Islam.

‘‘Lebih penting lagi, ia berkaitan dengan roh keyakinan diri untuk membela orang Islam di Mahkamah Syariah kerana perlu memahami dan menghayati konsep akidah, tauhid dan rukun Islam.

‘‘Seseorang peguam syarie juga perlu mengetahui syariat-syariat Islam kerana perbicaraan melibatkan hujah-hujah syariah dan al-Quran,’’ katanya.

Menurut beliau, jawatankuasa itu berpendapat individu bukan Islam tidak bersedia untuk semua perkara tersebut justeru keputusan untuk menolak sebarang pelantikan mereka sebagai peguam syarie adalah wajar.

utusan malaysia-18/12/10

Seoul Garden

Impressively best tempat ni! We went the one yang kat OU punye hari tu. setelah kak fitah mem-browse the whole directory untuk carik tempat makan. and terus set untuk makan sini. kedai die kat new wing. Im not surprise if you missed it because sangat camouflage gitu. haha.. its opposite auntie anne's pretzel deret o'briens tu sume.

We got our student card, so its only around RM30 plus free flow of food and drink. SERONOK! wide range gile. from beef, chicken, seafood, sayur, eskrem.. tak menyesal pegi. hehe... terima kasih kak fitah :P

You figure it out.

Dear layman,

Please dont blame my university just in case you meet with stupid lawyers. Apparently, the practioners nowadays prefer the style than the law. There dont care what bullshits or craps they were given, as long as the presentation is with style, they will accept it. To you practioners, you are seriously contributing to the stigma that lawyers are liars. You make these lawyers in making practice to give shits rather than the right things and laws. Well done. I shall see the blackness of the laws soon.

07/12/2010

"aku rasa korang ni memang takkan menang best memo. (pause). unless there is a miracle"

Ouch.

and for the second sentence.. double ouch..

I am disappointed. How could i not. This memorial is a labour of love that me and arinah have slaved over.

This is my responsibility. on my shoulders.

To say that the above comment was unfair is untrue. reading my opponent's memorials made me want to kick myself.

So yes. i am so sorry. IHL 2010 will not see UIA grab the best memorial prize. Our only salvation.

I am sorry...

14 year old marries 23 year old man

Child marriage at this day and age?

And something sanctioned by the Shariah Court... i hate this. it doesnt matter that it was consented by her parents. it remains that its barbaric...

Read this

When i was 14. i barely knew a thing. i was ill equipped for my own life much less to be responsible for anything else.

This is a joke. This should be the death of Syariah Court to allow such union.. Or at least a revolution of the Court. if anything it should change. it shouldnt become irrelevant and barbaric. this is akin to something like selling your child. 14 year old is a child. barely a teen. how can you do this to her? Why cant you wait 4 years? Honestly i support Syariah Court but come on. Were you born without common sense?

teknoloji..

Tidak dapat dinafikan kehebatan teknologi yang menyenangkan hidup. TETAPI..... of course the cons still ade. Mari kite rungkaikan:

1. Touch & Go + Smart tag: senangkan hidup. tak payah beratur panjang-panjang. TETAPI dah tak leh ngurat kakak tol, OR tanye direction jalan disaat bengap dan tak de GPS.

2. Telefon ber-apps; android, bb or iphone: seronok dapat main game disaat kebosanan tunggu time makan kat kenduri kawen TETAPI sume orang duduk semeja tapi tengok phone. gelak sorang sorang kat phone, sepatah haram tak cakap dengan orang sebelah.

3. Tv HD, 3D: Fuuuyyyyyooooooooo!!! Gile cantik gambar TETAPI sume benda nampak real. sampai bulu hidung pon nampak. kalau nak tengok clear mcm tu baik duduk kat shopping mall tengok orang jalan. dah tak rase mcm tgk tv. rase pelik pon ade :P (i know this sounds stupid)

4. Those fancy toilet bowls with buttons: macam cool main tekan tekan butang kat tepi toilet bowl tu TETAPI wth. nak pegi toilet pon punye complicated?? letak je la anti-bakteria punye sabun dalam tu and flush. heh.

5. GPS: memudahkan perjalanan ATAU anda memang bengap TETAPI you'll drive like a tortoise and it can caused accidents as kau sibuk sangat nak tengok bendealah tu.

ni je yang dapat difikirkan sekarang. harap maklum.

the NEED.

Explain the NEED of the MEGA TOWER, NEW ISTANA + THE HIGHWAY when you have to INCREASE the petrol price. Maybe the government should start explaining and make people understand how the money was spent on big projects as it involved the tax payers money.

From private.

Posts below taken from my private blog. sebab tu macam dah berzaman je benda nye. haha.. these are the ones that are shareable. yang lain takut kena isa. :P

Kasih Seorang AYAH

Hujan semakin lebat, angin bertiup kencang, kilatan petir memanah kebumi. Seorang bapa dan anak perempuannya basah kuyup menuju ke arah sebuah jambatan. Hari telah lewat, mereka perlu pulang segera sebelum langit menjadi gelap.

Si bapa melihat air sungai yang deras dan ganas. Kemudian dia memandang ke arah jambatan kayu dihadapannya. Biarpun beberapa batang kayu pada jambatan itu telah kopak dan reput, mereka perlu melintasinya. Tiada jalan lain.

Si bapa memandang anak perempuannya yang sedang menggigil kesejukan. “Sayang…” kata si bapa, “pegang tangan ayah kuat-kuat.”

Jawab si anak, “tak mahu! Ayah yang kena pegang tangan saya kuat-kuat!”

Si bapa terdiam. “oh… kan sama saja tu”

“tak sama, ayah…” jawab si anak, “kalau saya pegang tangan ayah dan terjadi apa-apa pada saya, saya mungkin akan terlepas tangan ayah. Tapi kalau ayah yang pegang, saya tahu walau apa pun yang terjadi, ayah takkan lepaskan tangan saya.”

* the passage above was taken from a magazine.



Yup… I still hope I can be that little girl where you’ll hold me tight no matter what happen. You’ll always be by my side and always catch me whenever I fall. You’ll always give me the strength and motivation whenever life disappointed me. You’ll give me the warm and firm hug that only a FATHER can give. I hope those memories that I had with you since I was born right till the last word I said to you will last forever. I hope my memory is strong enough to remember all the things you taught about life: the way to drive, the road to take, the manners to have, the precautions to remember, the love to share, the family bonding to care… EVERYTHING.

You do MEAN something to me. Your place in my heart can never be doubt. Right until now I’m still hoping to see you driving the car, water the plants, and watch the tv… how I hope… you are still around, and I can be that little girl again…

The last phone call.

Some of the words are not the exact similar ones. But the true meaning that I care most.

Abah: dah makan blom?
Me: blom. Lepas exam nanti baru makan. Tadi tak sempat.
Abah: hujan tak kat sana?
Me: haah. Tapi hujan renyai je.
Abah: abes tu macam mana pegi exam?
Me: naik bas.
Abah: abes tu tak bawak payung ke?
Me: tak. Pegi naik bas, tak pakai payung.
Abah: abes tu hujan macam mana jalan nak pegi exam? (yes, he repeat the sentence)
Me: dah sampai dah kat hall, naik bas.
Abah: oh. Gelap ke situ?
Me: sah sah la. Malam. Tapi ade lampu jalan.
Abah: jangan jalan gelap gelap sorang-sorang. Nak pegi mane-mane ajak kawan suruh teman.
Me: ye. Ok. Tau. Tau.
Abah: pukul berape test?
Me: kul 8.30. dah nak start dah ni. Dah dalam hall pon.
Abah: oh. Ok. Ok. All the best. We always pray for you.

These are the last conversation I had with him I think. Yup. Maybe. Well, he gave his last words. Of course that is not what I have in mind when he called. What crossed my mind was, “yes. I know that already, why are you telling me things that I knew.” Silly me. I didn’t appreciate that last call much. Not until he’s gone. Now I’m craving to hear his voice, regardless what he’ll have to say. If only I can freeze that moment so that it will last forever. I still dialled his number sometimes. Just checking. Haha. Macam la die boleh angkat phonekan. There are a lot of regrets I had. We didn’t talk much. Perhaps once a week.

Haish. Tak pe la. It’s not meant to be. Pasrah and redha.

Situasi

Dan bila kau menghilang

Musnah la, musnah impian

tuk menggapai bintang terangi hidup ku

Ku mahu kau tahu

engkaulah, destinasiku

dalam ingatanku ..

Important calls

Today for the first time I made it for my contract class. So I finally meet my lecturer. Unlike any other lecturers who will silent their phone when they entered the class to teach, she didn’t turn off the ringtone. She apologized to the class. She said, ‘I’m sorry but as I told you phone calls are important. You might lose your loved ones if you missed the phone call. That may be the last phone call you’ll ever get from them.’ At first I laughed as it sounds funny. But later, it actually rings a bell to me. And I end up dreaming for the next 40 minutes in class.

The reason is very simple. I missed ONE bloody phone call, and that’s the end of it. I can NEVER EVER hear his voice again. How devastating. And what she said is definitely right. You never know. Accidents happened. And it is not that I’m being paranoid. NO. I’m just scared the same thing will happen again.

14/1/2009 11.40am

And when the path astray
And turn to a total destruction.
I’m left hanging
And hurt myself again.
You showed me love and turned away.
You give me life and took it away.

The road we take no longer the same.
And the intensity we shared now it changed.
Maybe this love will fade away,
Or will it last till the end of the day…

For Mr. Suhaimi, 14/1/2009

I start to count the butterflies
Flying all around the sky.
I stop to rest on the ground
And admire the universe up high.

You keep talking in words I don’t understand
And make jokes like we are having fun.

But what you do is adding misery
My head hurts and I’m feeling dizzy.

I hope you stop your show now
And let me take the fresh air outside.
I need to get my feet back on track.
Before I see the black spots and faint.

16/2/2009 00:35

And when the time comes for you to finally surrender,
And turn yourself to a total stranger.
I'll be a distance away and watch you.
I'll hold the pain all to myself, and smile for you.
For I failed again in this stupid game.
For you left me and new love you gain.
As this is what I've been expecting.
As I know Im the one slacking.

2/3/2009

There you are. I saw you standing in your blue shirt; smiling.
I came to you even thought I know you're not there.
I kiss your hand; I know why it's cold.
We said a few words and I left.
Then I finally realise how sad I am.

4/3/2009 klia

There's no more tears I have left
to let it out and show to you how much I've hurt
to put it aside and smile again.
As I'm not sure of the right destination,
the right place to go and the right time.
I'm here waiting patiently;
For the last goodbye to come and kill me.

5/3/2009 mmc

It’s 3 am in the morning
I’m still here waiting.
Sitting alone by the roadside
Watching the planes passed me by.

It’s been a week since you left.
My heart is empty and full of crap.
Using all the strength I have;
To keep breathing and stay alive.

Time passed and never stops,
You’re still nowhere, unseen by me.
The roads are clear and the skies are bright.
And the cool wind shivers me.

Tears roll down my cheeks.
The pain of waiting strikes me
I hope you’ll finally turn up from that door
And give me the hug that I’ve been dying for…

8/4/09

Until now I wonder what do I really feel when I saw you at the hospital. I wonder where I get the strength to actually called my friends and tell them that you passed away. Haha~ they even thought that I was high or drunk calling them early in the morning and said you died. I wonder how I can act in such a way like nothing happened.

I remembered calling umi and said it’s really you and you’re gone. Damn! That very moment….. Like the time stopped. And wait for me to compute it was YOU. I guessed I’m a little late. If not maybe I’m able to see you at least on the bed instead of that damn freezer. How devastating life can get. The image is still very fresh and clear.
Maybe being tipsy did help me that day. Seriously, I’m amazed at myself that I still manage to stand on my feet after seeing you. I thought the world was dark at that time. What do I do?? How do I tell them?? How do we carry on with our life? What is going to happen next? What are we going to do?????

DAMN!

And now it’s your birthday. Haih…. I’m just afraid to face the upcoming days. Supposedly this Sunday is your 23rd anniversary with umi. I just don’t know what to imagine. Haish…….

1/11/2008

It is called the circle of life.
One was born,
Another one died.

It is called the game of life.
One succeed,
Another one failed.

It is called life.
One life; taken,
Another soul; gone....

There goes..............

Where do I get to run now. There's nothing clearer than seeing your name on that stone.

Haih...............................

7 April 1961-18 October 2008. You're only 47! And its only the 3rd week of raya...

Life is indeed short. You never know when is your turn. There goes all the dreams we used to say. There's goes all the work that we always do together. Fixing the roof and stuff, climbing here and there. There goes the future I planned. There goes evrything I had in mind for you........

ping, ping, pong, pong.

Haih..................... mengisi masa lapang.

"Its not what you say, its what you do"

"Dont walk ahead of me, I may not follow you. Dont walk behind me, I may not lead you. Just walk beside me and be my friend"

"My brain shutdowns a lot without reason"

"I may not be someone special in your life, but you will always be someone special in my life"

crash!

Here I am. In the room bersama seorang yang sedang patah hati. And it doesnt help me much as I have to listen to all the broken-hearted songs. Enough of it, months ago. Enough of it, years ago. Its done. I'm done. But these songs keep on bugging me and slowly dragging my emotions too. Yeah.... Now I'm also starting to feel the pain. All the pain that I've felt before. Its just the same everytime. Regardless who the person is or was for that matter. haha~

Breaking your heart is something that is painful but yet you'll always crave for more. You'll always come back and take the same route. You'll repeat your mistakes. In the name of love. Kononnye. Bullshit. In the end... you know you are the one carrying the pain. You are the one who is going to go through all the shits alone again. No one but you. And this time you have to face it alone. No more shoulder to lean on. No more gentle touch to soothes you. Its all gone. Dead and gone.

Then you'll AGAIN be left hanging. All the stupid questions that you will repeat over and over again to yourself. Whether the love still exist. Whether that person still cares for you. Whether you can survive without them. Thats just life.........

bunk-trash

Memandangkan saya terperap di sini(moot room) selama semalam.... maka saya akan membincangkan isu-isu secara randomnye. Pertamanye... adalah saya lapar. Disebabkan tadi masa makan di Kluang Station saya sakit perut, maka saya gagal menghabiskan makanan saya. Dan sekarang saya lapar. Haih. Begitulah hidup.

Keduanye, saya sengaja menulis di dalam bahasa melayu untuk menandingi nadiya, yang sesungguhnye bahasa melayu ini adalah bahasa kedua die. Agak impressive la... :P hahahaha~ jangan terasa(no offence) btol ke? haha.... hentamla. Saya orang kampung. Bahasa inggeris saya tak berapa sedap. hehe~

Ketiga! jari-jemari saya hampir beku. Agak susah jugak la nak taip sebenarnye. Tapi sebab saya bosan tahap muka nak kena tepek, saya gagahkan jua jari dan diri saya. haih.. sedihnye hidup. Tapi sebab saya suka sejuk maka saya tak akan membebel untuk ini. Saya akan meneruskan dengan isu-isu yang lebih relevan untuk manusia sejagat. Hee~

Haih..... Sebenarnye, saya seorang yang payah untuk difahami. Kadang-kadang saya bertindak mengikut emosi saya. Sebenarnye, kebanyakan masa saya adalah begitu. Hina saya tahu... Tapi nak buat macam mana. Haih. Saya sangat sayang kawan-kawan saya kerana saya tiada orang lain melainkan mereka dan juga ahli keluarga terdekat saya. Saya...... sayangla mereka. Tu pon nak tanye lagi ke. Heh. Haha~

Cuma kadang-kadang mereka ini barua sket. Saya pon barua jugak. Saya sedar, tapi kadang-kadang mereka barua sampai tahap yang saya nak sepak sekor-sekor, rasa macam nak belasah pon ade... Haih... Itula die. Mereka ni memang. Masing-masing dengan perangai masing-masing.... Heh. Tangan da nak kejang. Seriously. Maka akan berehat. Kalau ade idea, saya akan sambung lagi... So what?! I have the whole freakin night to do this pon. [Maka ape?! Saya ada satu malam untuk buat benda ni]. hahahahaha..

bang!

Moving on,
pentagon paper,
discriminates,
the weak,
lower down
the veil.

Follow your speech,
that sounds familiar,
move on,
where you stop.

It wont harm,
You are an agent.

-moot room: the words I joined randomly when they were submitting few months ago. Surprisingly, today, 18/5/09, I found them on the floor in the moot room. It broke my heart. But nampak sangat orang tak kemas moot room, and moot room ni kotor! heh.

bing bang

this is the story that have been told.
people have been asking why their friend is no longer happy.
she doesnt talk much and hardly laugh.
when that is what she used to do much.

they started asking to figure out her problem.
but as before she wouldnt want to say anything.
she keeps on denying and change the topic.
her normal reaction is just a normal smile and the word 'nothing'.


some told her she has changed.
she is no longer the person they used to know.
she wonder what makes them say that.
because she thought she is still the same friend they would know.


one day she came to her senses.
she realised what people has been saying is true.
she is slowly changing to a stranger she dont know.
and no longer the same friend she thought she was.


since then she spend everyday thinking.
what could be the problem and the cure for it.
she turn to the sky and feel the emptiness inside.
and now she understands, she lost her soul.

hentak karang baru tau!

Dear friend,



I know things are not how we want them to be lately. I dont know why and I am very sorry for that. So the least I can do is write this out and leave something for you in case I wont be around soon. I hope this doesnt sound boring. Haih... So here goes....



I know there are times when I didnt help much when you actually need them. Sometimes I dissapear without letting you know. I failed to hear when you talk. I'm not sensitive enough to know when you're sad. I didnt manage to give good advice when you really need them. I cant fully agree on your choice. The rejection and all other stuff...

Im sorry for that... I know its my fault.

Tetapi....

Remember that I cant stop you from making your own choices. I know 'in love' makes you feel like you're on top of the world. I wont deny that coz I've been thru that part of my life. However, Im here to remind you that things are not what we want them to be most of the time. Dont make your partner your life centre. One simple reason if when you lose them, you'll also lose your life and it'll take a while to actually move on after that. No kidding.

I cant guarantee you that you'll end up with the person you are with now. What I can say is be prepared for anything to come and just make sure you can still hold on and be yourself. It is normal to break your heart in relationships. But in time it will heal. Well, I hope. Just be sure that he is the right guy for you. Just dont be too infatuated and start making wrong decisions.

Bak kate stacie orrico: there's gotta be more to life. Haha~ there's got to be more than just him. Im sure when the time is right, you'll be with who you deserve. We got long way to go. As much as Im dying to have a guy in my life now, but I know this isnt the right time yet. Im too young to make such a big decision. I'll just reserve all those pain when Im older. For now just enjoy every moment of being single and move around without restrictions. Except from your parents of course. Hee~

So friend,

whatever you feel like doing or whoever your choice is. Make sure you think about it carefully. I'll be here if you need me, but I cant fix your broken heart for you. I can just listen and give stupid advice like I always do. Not more than that I know. Just remember whatever it is, hidup mesti diteruskan. You cannot stop and breakdown and expect the world to wait for you. I can and will wait. But time just wont stop. Be sure to heal quickly and move on to look for other things.

It is painful to just see you in pain. There's no need to even wait until you cry. If only I have the power to stop you. If only I can show you someone better. But I CANT. POWERLESS. To see you hurt each and everyday for someone..... I really feel like smashing his head. Tapi tak bleh la kan. Heh. Haih. Ape ape pon............. begitulah.... haih.

MY LIFE. YOUR CHOICE.

this is never what i wanted. i know what i want. but i never had the chance to do it my way. i remember when after spm when people busy choosing what U to enter and I specifically hope not to be here. my friend once said: " sekali dapat ..."
and i replied 'reflextively' dengan pantas nye: "memang tak aa kan!" it fine i didnt get to join the army or piloting or engineering. but please at least a place i like. eventually i happened to be here anyways.... not my choice at all but here i am. they decide it for me and i am left with no choice.

DREADFULLY.... i enter. i remember crying the first day during registration. WTH. tepi rumah je kot. I dont know. maybe because thats the end of my dreams. i now have to change. not only taking the things that i dont even think i'll be taking. but then the pressure of taking arabic was so great. my fault. im not the type that will reject right on their face. i spend TWO years in matrix. for arabic. when in the end im not even taking syariah. but its fine. at least extra language.

now im going to enter my third year when thinking of dropping out is totally absurd. i used to look to the brighter side: "alaa.... at least you can take aviation law later on and master it"... but i realised... i dont like reading and learning things that way. i want to do it practically. i want to feel things on my hand. not stuff them in my brain. i cant really remember things anyway. sangat tak faham concept exams when i forget everything the moment i stepped out from the exam hall. i feel like im wasting my time FIVE years doing nothing.

'kak long' pernah cakap:" ape guna jadi lilin menerangi orang lain when kite sendiri terbakar". that is so true. what is the point of satisfying others when YOU the one who is caring the burden is hurting. but i know theres nothing i can do to change my world. the ball is not in my hand. maka...... now i am left alone hurt when i saw other people is finally now a pilot. when i am here... right here now, stuck with the most BORING thing in the WHOLE WIDE WORLD for another few years until i can start with something else.

AND I NEVER LIKED IT HERE. AND NEVER WILL.

GTH

Finally after quite some time... browsing thru the blogs... and I wonder. Why is it when you post something sad or sound sad and down, your friends will comment and ask you 'whats wrong' or finally ask ' how are you? are you ok?' hahaha...
pelik....

why now? why not when I need you. why not check on whenever. but why now when i finally manage to put it in words and post it that you finally care to read and wonder how was i doing?

sometimes friends are just so full of themselves. when they meet you: 'hi, hey did you hear what happened last weekend, what happened at someones' birthday party, oh... this boy asked me out, thay boy give me that. I fight with my boyfriend, im under pressure. I have a lot of work to do............... blablablabla.................. and the list goes on until half and hour when they're done talking: 'how are you? ape cerite?'................... 5 minutes of your story, either one of us have to leave, or we finally reach the destination.

they never listen. do i exist to just hear you talk? do i exist just to solve your problem? well.. i dont think so. and do you think i write a post for you to read and comment?? i also dont think so. the post is to share. not a place for you to know my condition. if you really care enough, you would have call me once you read 'that' post. not comment it there and wait a few weeks later when im dead to actually reply you.

bare that in mind. as much as you dont need me... i dont need you too...

The power is in your hands :P

I've always been a sucker when it comes to boys. You may not know this tapi I can fall for boys easily. As easy as 1,2,3. Hahaha.. ape tu. tak relevan. tak pe. abaikan. Haih.. the point yang cuba disampaikan di sini adalah why I am still macam ni. Macam ni as in why Im not with anyone much as I really want to. Haih..

Let me put this generally... Haih. Susahnye.. I've met lots of people throughout my entire life. Sah sah la there's also the heartbreak kan. Then I come to a conclusion that whatever happens, I am the one responsible. Not them. Not him or her. I cannot blame them for making me fall for them. It is not their fault. It is on my own capacity and awareness that I put myself so low and hurt myself over and over again for them. Now I'm all numb.

If I say that I'm not going to fall for you, then I'm not. No matter how much I actually want to. Even if I'm dying to be with you. But if I think that we cannot go (hahaha..pure pasar) then thats it. I will not let myself be the stupid girl giving her love when I got nothing in return. OR maybe I have not found my love yet until I cn afford to control who to like or not. Haih. My love better be good coz Im not choosing you man. You are the one who will choose me. Hahahaha...

Haih. The point is.... Maaflah. berkias pulak. haha.. ha! the point is... the power is in your hands. Pilihlah Celcom.... Tak. Ni pon salah. ha... maka the power is in your hands. You hold the key to your own happiness.. Dont fall for boys just because you want to or you have to. You will found one yourself. Its there. I think what I do best is leave and move on. Nobody can change you except yourself.

The part of my life with ****** is the worst I think. But nothing better than moving on and finally see that their life is a total mess while you are now happy being alone... What I can say that my life before was a mistake. I fall for people just because I allow myself and just because I wanted someone. But that doesnt work. In the end you are carrying the pain. Theres no point. My endless list of scandals.... I think I can erase that already. They are nothing except stupid mistake. What happened to them now?? hahaha... none of them are useful. They lead their own lives like they always do. Selfish. Heh...

Maka dont let yourself fall for something uncertain. Long way to go. And you better keep things interesting between you guys if you are together now because you got more to come. Nanti nak kahwin lagi... I will definitely wait until da graduate to have someone then kahwin terus. Sebab Im afraid I got bored of them. Hahaha.. keji aku tau.....

Merdeka

Here goes another year of independence. I dont know why makin lama i notice that it is just a mere celebration and a waste of money. I understand it should be celebrated. Sebab... kite merdeka la or whatever. heh. But btol ke we are now independent?? OK. Im not going to start dragging and include all the things that I learned in class. I'll save that only for exams. haha.. tak perlu la repeat banyak kali kan. haih..

I dont understand why we cant have a simple celebration that cost less and does not involve the waste of time of people dancing around and their energy. Fine. Do the concert thing you want on the eve of merdeka. The next morning just a simple speech on air should be enough i think. what more dengan bulan puasa nye tahun ni. haih....

and the bangang part of it, it is just the same every year. the same words formation, marching, helicopter here and there... heh. tak bosan ke. cuba la spend time and think about other masalah negara rather than humiliating yourself tertido on stage di saat benda tu live on air satu malaysia kan. heh..

whatever it is... merdeka semakin hambar di saat semakin banyak benda yang obviously menunjukkan ketidak-merdekaan-nye malaysia ini. heh. balik tido lagi baik.

Pain.

What would you do or think when the doctor said, "Bring him back home, give him whatever he wants to eat and just wait until he reach his time" I could not possibly think what would I do. Jauh sekali to actually sit and think about it. But that is what some of us have to face. We have to actually face this person that we love, look at him or her everyday thinking that they are going soon. I wonder which one hurt more. Either the one we love just went off suddenly or seeing them everyday and see how they spend their last days....

I think both are equally the same. Except when you know they are going, you can at least treat them nicely or do whatever that you've never do to them before. That is the thing I regret. At least when you know, you give them everything you can give and by the time they go, you know that's the best for them as they suffer enough.. You know you have no regret of letting them go. You give and get all the love you want as its the last days.. Haih. But these things are never easy and in the end you'll always feel like you're not prepare to lose them. What can I say...

This disease slowly take away one by one. Some of them the people I love and others might be the one you love. I never even bother to know what 'this' is before. I know it is something dangerous as there are possibilities that you might not survive and you can die. Sah sah la kan. But I never care. I know few people in my family has this before but I can see they still manage to live and be happy. However, few years back... something happened and make me realise how dangerous 'this' can be. My friend's mum died because of 'this'.................

It is not the fact that she died that makes me realise the danger of 'this'. But it is because I went to see her mother everyday at the hospital and you can actually feel the pain. You can see the pain she has to suffer. I can say her mother is a very strong lady. She manage to hold on for years.... and I really mean years... I think for around 8 years. For someone who suffer 'this' at stage 3 in the beginning, you could imagine how strong she was. I think she stayed on for her kids. For my friend. She went from someone with a strong body that in the end only left bones. You can see the changes. Day by day... she's getting thinner.... haish..

From that point, I realised that if you are ignorant, you could be one of the victim and worst of all the chances of living is not that high. Thanks to none other than our very famous disease...

CANCER

From that point onwards, I started to learn more on cancer. The stages, possible victim, things you should do, what you could do to help... Now cancer is something common. And I mean in my family. One by one... my grandfather died of cancer. Now my uncle is also one of time. But fortunately it is still in the early stage. The latest news I heard, my granduncle is now a stage 3. I dont know exactly what cancer. The doctor said its not even 50-50 that he'll survive. He will not. You cant even operate him because.... da teruk la. No point.

Haih.. You know.... When you've been there with the people who have cancer... You'll then know how painful it is. One of my classmate's dad is also stage 3 of cancer. The doctor gave him less than 3 months. And I'm not saying that the doctors are bad for being such a pessimist. I know. It wont take you long when your cancer has reach that level. Seriously nothing can be done except you wait and see............

Piza

Hehe ok2.. Trimas2.. Baeklah saya harus berkandar dahulu eh..
Berkandar?! Ape aku merepek ni? Hah papelah aku tdo dlu eh..
hehe papai bff!


1 simple message that make me smile all night long. Haha~ maybe die ni da mabuk makan pizza kot. Biar je la~~

We Cry (The Script)

1. If someone says, “Is this okay?” you say->All American Girl (Carrie Underwood)

2. How would you describe yourself? -> Soulmate (Natasha Bedingfield)


3. What do you like in a guy/girl?-> Bad Day (Daniel Powter)


4. How do you feel today?-> Knock you down (keri Hilson)


5. What is your life’s purpose?-> No One (Alicia Keys)


6. What's your motto? -> One Step at a Time (Jordin Sparks)


7. What do your friends think of you? -> If it makes You Happy (Sheryl Crow)


8. What do you think of your parents? -> Love Like This (Natasha Bedingfield)


9. What do you think about very often?-> I will Be (Avril Lavigne)


10. What is 2 + 2? -> Cry (Rihanna)


11. What do you think of your best friend(s)?-> World Of our Own (Westlife)


12. What do you think of the person you like?-> Heartless (Kanye West)


13. What is your life story?-> Good girl Gone Bad (Rihanna)


14. What do you want to be when you grow up? -> Airplanes (B.O.B)


15. What do you think of when you see the person you like?-> Won't Go Home Without You (Maroon 5)


16. What will you dance to at your wedding? -> Scream (Chris Cornell)



17. What will they play at your funeral?-> Home Sweet Home (Carrie Underwood)


18. What is your biggest fear?-> I'll Be There For You (The rembrandts)


19. What is your biggest secret?-> Whenever You Remember (Carrie Underwood)


20. What will you post this as?-> We Cry (The Script)

*seems like fun. so I tried it out. method i used was to see the next song on my music player when the option is on shuffle..
I LOVE NUMBER 11 and i DO live by number 6 and number 17 was just freaky :)

Raju tak halal??

Tak tau btol tak.... hurm..

PETALING JAYA - Sebuah restoran bukan Islam di Jalan Gasing di sini diserbu Jabatan Kemajuan Islam Malaysia (Jakim) semalam setelah mendapati logo halal pada papan tanda yang dipasang bukan milik restoran tersebut.

Restoran yang sentiasa mendapat sambutan ramai diserbu lapan penguat kuasa Bahagian Hub Halal Jakim dengan kerjasama Pejabat Perdagangan Dalam Negeri, Koperasi dan Kepenggunaan negeri semalam.

"Serbuan dibuat setelah kami menerima aduan daripada orang ramai yang meragui status halal restoran tersebut..

"Bila ditanya kenapa letak logo halal pada papan tanda, mereka mengatakan logo tersebut adalah milik produk yang menaja papan tanda tersebut," kata Penolong Pengarah Cawangan Pemantauan dan Penguatkuasaan Bahagian Hub Halal Jakim, Mohd. Amri Abdullah.

kosmo.

Rukun negara

Baru perasan few years ago was the last time I said. Im sure by now orang dah masuk universiti dah lupa rukun negara. Just a reminder though nothing significant about it.


Kepercayaan kepada Tuhan

Kesetiaan kepada raja dan negara

Keluhuran perlembagaan

Kedaulatan undang-undang

Kesopanan dan kesusilaan.

Im not missing you stranger.

I was cleaning up my room when I found my diary since Im in form 1 till the beginning of Gombak. There were few papers in there with notes written when I was in matrix. When I read it few days ago I realized how much you've changed.

I dont know what to expect from you. you are just different. I appreciate our friendship before. but it wasnt me who left you. It was you who decided to go to someone else. that was the past. I dont expect the same in the future. So dont act and make stories as if you know me. You dont know me. Not now, not before this and never will in the future. I am not who you think I am. (Im SUPERMAN!!!. OK. tak kelakar)

Therefore my friend, (friend ke?) thanks for the memories even though it werent so great, but Im not indulging for worst in the future and Im not missing you. hehe~

hanging by a moment- (this is fun!)

1. If someone says, “Is this okay?” you say-> when i dream at night-marc anthony


2. How would you describe yourself? -> mana mungkin-dayang nurfaizah


3. What do you like in a guy/girl?-> hati ini-nabil


4. How do you feel today?-> away from the sun-three doors down


5. What is your life’s purpose?-> selalu mengalah...??? heh.- seventeen


6. What's your motto? -> lucky-jason mraz


7. What do your friends think of you? -> bob bop baby-westlife??


8. What do you think of your parents? -> kenapa-shazzy feat lah ve


9. What do you think about very often?-> the little things-colbie calliat


10. What is 2 + 2? -> i want it that way-backstreet boys


11. What do you think of your best friend(s)?-> please dont go-boys to men


12. What do you think of the person you like?-> you and your hand-pink


13. What is your life story?-> you and i both-jason mraz


14. What do you want to be when you grow up? -> king of anything-sara baraellis


15. What do you think of when you see the person you like?-> everybody-backstreet boys


16. What will you dance to at your wedding? -> 4 minutes-jt, madonna



17. What will they play at your funeral?-> wake up-three days grace


18. What is your biggest fear?-> show me the meaning of being lonely-backstreet boys


19. What is your biggest secret?-> its not my time- three doors down


20. What will you post this as?-> hanging by a moment-lifehouse

irreplaceable

Life is funny... an irony. i have to admit that i have no regrets about the past or the present. what happened had a reason. and we are not close anymore. but enough for me to appreciate their presence and the friendship more and more.

would i change the sequence of events? yes. but only for it to be cleaner. less hurtful and more gradual. the result was inevitable but it still hurt to be so disposable.

because that was in the past and now this is the present


hmmm...

best couples on the screen

Recently, StarTwo created the best couple on tv shows things. and can you believe it my pick of best couple is the last on the list. so here is my choice. i know. i AM LAME.

1. CHUCK & BLAIR

one would assume this is an obvious choice right? anyway. they exude chemistry. i hated that they are together so early in the series coz eventually they won't last. i love destructive relationships. when they went out to destroy each other, that was GOLD! haha.. and how can you resist the fact that this playboy have managed to fall in love when we thought he never had a heart..





2. HUGH GRANT & JULIA ROBERTS - Notting Hill

The movie nurtured the romantic in me. and granted the story itself is good enough that any other couple would have pulled it off. but we have hugh grant and julia roberts and they were so perfect that the corny final scene did not make me cringe.



3. HARRY POTTER & HERMIONE

J.K Rowling made ron weasley into a wimpy character who whines about the good fortunes of his bestfriend. and made hermione a strong independent woman and expect me to buy into the love between ron & hermione? no where in the BOOK can you read into any romantic feeling between the two! and it correctly translated into the movie.. the fact that hermione is dependable and smart complemented Harry Potter's heroism. SIGH~ their story as i want it to be will only be in my head.





ok so the pictures did not really show the perfect couple that they are. so see the movie. im right :P

4. Barney Stinson & Robin Scherbatsky

they were together briefly in how i met your mother.. i guess they wont work coz barney would cease being a womanizing jackass and thats just not funny..




5. ANGEL & BUFFY

OK FINE I KNOW BOTH SERIES ENDED. But this is what forbidden love looks like. not some lame Twilight couple of agony. they are my first choice had the series still ran. and i know spike was a good match for buffy as cordelia was for angel. but then BUFFY & ANGEL are legendary..




now this is a love story. let me sum up twilight. "i can't be with you because i want to drink your blood and now my vampire clan knows your my girlfriend and wants to kill you because i'm in love with you. so i have to leave you because i love you too much to let them hurt you..."

really? REALLY??? lame lame lame. try this. angel is a vampire and buffy is a vampire slayer. simple enough to spin off a lot of issues. TWILIGHT SUCKS. that said.. edward cullen is HOT. hahaha..

Sindrom penyakit.

ANDA ADE SINDROM-SINDROM INI???


- jerawat bertambah di muka anda yang licin tu
- anda gagal mengingati hari. cuma ingat tarikh je
- tak mandi/ mandi kambing
- tido tak nyenyak/ terlebih nyenyak
- kurang selera makan/ terasa ingin makan setiap jam
- angin memanjang
- rase semacam/ 'emotional imbalance'
- rasa ingin terjun bangunan???


JANGAN RISAU!!!
anda mungkin terkena penyakit 'finals dah dekat!!!!!' (cakap dengan suara doraemon)

anda hanya perlu minum MAKJUN SRIKANDI FATIMAH!!!

* boleh didapati di toko-toko jamu atau farmasi berhampiran anda.

Kenapa saya tak pegi exam.

Ketika saya sedang mandi di dalam toilet di bilik saya, saya terdengar satu bunyi dentuman yang sangat kuat. Saya sangat terkejut dan takut tetapi saya tidak boleh keluar dari toilet sebab... saya tengah mandi la.. heh. saya terdengar suara yang tidak dikenali. takut saya bukan kepalang lagi... tetapi... ditegaskan saya tengah mandi. dan takkan saya nak keluar dengan hanya memakai baju dan tuala.

Maka saya duduk di dalam toilet dan cuba meneliti bunyi bunyi yang ade... saya terdengar orang menjerit: " EEEWWWWW!!!!!!" "TAK NAK!!!!!!!!!!!!" saya takut lagi. selepas itu saya teringat akan roomate saya betiga orang itu. saya cuak kerana tidak tahu ape yang berlaku dan masa semakin suntuk untuk pegi ke exam. dah la jauh pulak exam tu. buat kat banquet. setelah tidak dapat menunggu lebih lama saya memutuskan untuk keluar dari toilet dan meninjau keadaan di luar. saya pon membuka hengsel pintu itu. (hengsel ke hensel?? tak kesah la..)

alangkah takut nye saya apabila saya mendapati hensel itu tersangkut dan saya tidak dapat membuka pintu shower room saya. saya mula suspens! DAH TAK DE MASA DAH NI!!!! saya fkir benda yang saya dah belajar dengan bertungkus lumus tadi dan juga kertas periksa yang akan saya duduki (tu pon kalau sempat pegi exam la). saya bertambah panik dan risau dan cemas sehingga kan saya berpeluh dingin (dalam toilet pulak kan, sejuk la..)

saya cuba untuk menjerit, tapi malu pulak nak jerit panggil orang masa dalam toilet. ditambah pula saya tidak tahu keadaan orang di luar tu bagaimana... saya cuba lagi... menggunakan segala ilmu yang ade. saya cuba untuk memanjat.... licin pulak.... nak selit bawah pintu.... MEMANG TAK LA! (ingat kau flubber??? heh) setelah agak lama lagi dan tidak kedengaran bunyik bunyi di luar, akhirnye dengan kuasa ajaib setelah puas berjampi pintu tu boleh bukak. saya berasa sangat bangga... hahahaha...

saya 'tip-toe' untuk masuk ke bilik dan meninjau keadaan.... sunyi sepi.... suspens... dub dab. dub dab. dub dab..... saya selak langsir compartment sebelah. tiada orang..... pelik nye. saya pegi compartment saya, selak dengan penuh suspens...... dub dab. dub dab. dub dab....

saya selak....... tiba tiba............... SURPRISE!!! saya gile terkejut yang teramat sangat dan terjatuh pengsan.... adui. malunye... dah la baru mandi..... saya terus tak ingat ape jadi lepas tu.

bile saya bukak mata saya nampak roomate saya memandang saya sambil tersengih. saya lantas bangun dengan pantas nye sebab ade exam!!!!! KAU LUPA?! mereka juga terkejut. kawan saya telah menahan saya dan tunjuk surat mc dari klinik. saya macam...... EH. DAPAT MC. TAK YAH EXAM!!!!!! hehehe..... mereka kate saya pengsan. diorang panggil doktor suruh datang dan die bagi mc sebab dah lambat nak pegi exam.


MAKA............ madam, sebab tu la saya tak pegi exam tadi. bukan sebab saya tak belajar. saya dah baca buku tau! nak buat macam mana.... kuang kuang kuang~~~~

Taip kan "ON"

Ingin mendengar suara suara seksi di malam hari??

Atau cerita hantu di malam jumaat??

Taip kan "ON SEKSI" ke 37255 atau "ON HANTU" ke 37643

SPCA

You have done your homework and thinking which is the best breed to buy. Be it a cat or dog, I'm sure you will be thinking of going to the pet store to buy them. Bearing in mind that you are responsible enough and capable of having a pet, instead of buying a 'new' dog or cat that will cost you hundreds or thousands depending on the breed, why not drop by at SPCA in Ampang, take a look at the 'residents' cute little faces, adopt them and bring them home.

It doesnt cost you thousands, yet you still have cute cat/dog to bring home with you. Better yet, you are actually giving a life to them. Hundreds of animals were sent there every month. It will be difficult for them to manage. Why not do your part as an animal lover, bring them home and give them a chance to see and feel the love again.

You can simply go to www.spca.org.my. They have posted pictures of dogs/cats that in need of home or what they need to maintain the center. If you cannot afford to have a pet why not make a donation to them so they can continue contributing to the animal society. Thank you :)

YOU can make a difference.

mood mooting

There is this hunger that i cannot explain.

Even without moot, i had trouble chasing deadline. and now im biting more than i can chew.. i was happy without moot. content.. thus why oh why????? i call it "the itch"

it gnaws on your mind and dream. intrude on your happiness as an afterthought that lingers.. never overpowering but then thats why it is such a big itch. its just there at the background, patiently beckoning you. then the last bait...

that people is the itch. hahahahaha..

and so here i am.. desperately holding on to flimsy threads that is my life. hoping against mountainous hope that i am able to finish memorials before FINALS starts. sheesh

humanity part2

i have minor breakdown usually once a week. and there are times. rare ones i have a complete meltdown. the last time was in matrics when i was doing this thing on rape. and incest. my research was extensive. my attachment on this issue is deep and profound. here is a story for you. a child of 8 years old was raped one night by a string of men. all her relatives. uncles and father and brother. that night was not the first and would not be her last. what was different was that night was her birthday.

a man was convicted of incest. he described it as taking a bite from the fruit of his labour. literally. he was the one bringing her up. watching her grow. invested in her. he should be able to take a first taste.. this bastard was hospitalized by a female officer upon giving that statement to the media. kudos for her

the horrific of it all.. what is this world coming to? forget the environment. where is the fucking humanity?

that is beside the point. i remember upon finishing the work i was so discouraged that i stop functioning. i skipped a few classes. i withdraw with the tragedies playing in my head. and time finally pick me up. and i moved on.

now again i m faced with this research. having to read and deal with it... where is the fucking humanity??

I'll be ok.

you looked at me today,
everything seems to be ok.
but you never knew inside,
all the things that i hide so tight.

you only see the surface,
but never whats beneath my chest.
you only see the smile,
and not the pain that i held so tight.

i am here alone,
holding the pieces in my hand.
i am here alone,
gathering back the strength to stand.

i've always been impassive,
never knew how to show it well.
i've always been impatient,
never knew how to slow it down.

but i will be ok,
mending the pieces in my heart.
i will still survive,
and share with you another smile.

L.O.S.E.R.

A university conduct a survey recently on something about the peoples' support on political party. is that what you do to upgrade your university status?? shouldnt you conduct a survey on your system, admin, lectures and the facilities first then only conduct survey on other things??

This is your biggest failure. FAILED to understand and fix your weakness. people are complaining on your system. many not satisfied on the way things are going but you have no channel or complaint body to listen to these. you only care about people giving you money but never care on your responsibility to use the money for the benefit of the people who actually 'supply' you with the money. i know the money is not that much to make a profit. but at least spend it on things that are crucial. it took you months to fix the walkway lights. you never care about the safety of your 'citizen'. instead you oppressed them in every way you can. what a loser.

t-shirts

The word printed t-shirt is now a madness.. or maybe not so anymore. I think it started with nike shirts. the first few i remember was something like "i do it last night", "it was 'this' long"... and many others. that was few years ago. now word printed are everywhere. even in 'uptown' where the lame-est words are printed on it. like "saya sayang mak saya" and so on... sometimes it is catchy and fun but sometimes you do feel like throwing up and disgusted.

not only the youngster but people's parents where that kind of t-shirt. not an offense of course. but here are the list of what seems to be disgusting to be put on a shirt:


"I slept with my daughter last night"
"we just made our EIGHTH kid last night"
"I like firm asses"
"my boyfriend's is short"
"I'm the 4play type"

and the list goes on..
luckily i've never came across any of the above... YET and i hope not.

Hadramawt @ chulan square

I wanted to blog about food only to realised that im too lazy to take pictures to include in the post. i somehow feel that its an ordinary thing because people take pictures of food and post it. therefore i'll only write about the food/restaurant without the picture. what the hell anyways. its the internet era, im sure you can google the restaurant if you want to see the pictures. some of them do upload thier whole menu including the price.


The other day we went to hadramawt @ chulan square to celebrate kora's birthday. the place was nice. it is divided into 2 areas that is the open air upstairs at the balcony and the rest of it is air-conditioned. the food was good. slightly pricey than alrawsyah but the food do taste better. some of them. their defect i would say that they overpriced their drinks especially the juices way too high..

i ordered lamb madghout 500grams as they have another at 1 kg. the price is only RM25 and it is a VERY generous portion for two person. the lamb was very tender and soft and it is so easy to eat and cut them using only spoon. you can ask for garlic sauce to eat with the rice too. it will definitely add more taste to it. the sheesh tawoob was good too my friend said. besides the normal hummus they also have the lamb hummus for RM 8 including few pieces of arab bread.

they also have seafood and their deserts looked very tempting but we are too bloated with the lamb modghout that there barely space left to fit the strawberry melba. the total of my bill for two person is only RM 34.10 including a 10% service charge. but the service was good compared to alrawsyah even though alrawsyah doesnt have a service charge so we dont mind paying for it.

i would come again to try the strawberry melba and fried lamb. plus the parking is reasonable that is only RM 3 per entry with proper carpark. you can find their full list of menu at hadramawt.com.my :)

humanity

i finally resorted to manually looking for cases in international humanitarian courts for the competition. what i find is beyond comprehension. i am here safely behind a computer seeing words and mere words could not properly describe anything and i could not help but flinch and avert my eyes from reading these horrors. but we must. this is the first case that i found.
Jean Paul AKAYESU is the defendant. He was on a mission to locate a man. and thus seeking information house to house

Victim V- interrogated, beaten with rifles and metal sticks

Victim U - was threatened with the death of her husband and child

Victim X- was forced to lay on the dirt ground while a soldier threatened to drive over her.

and of course in other cases. the rape, the murder. The ethnic cleansing or genocide that they did is mindblowing. they rape the women so they will reproduce children of Serbs rather than Bosnian. and of course for these women the only way was to bear the child or kill the child or kill themselves.. the saddest thing is that these monsters are NOT monsters. they are everyday people you see on the street. average looking joes who i would not hesitate to smile at if our eyes ever met.

in the end. think about it. these monsters... they do not assume another identity. they are the people in our community. they sit beside us in the train. they stand behind us in the bus. they patiently queue waiting to order their food. and all the time the monster remains..

irony.

It is somehow weird if I say I like death. i mean not that I want to die, it is an irony actually. the event of death in a family. its not that I want someone to die, but somehow here is where we get to meet THE family. i have to admit I have a very large family. to the point that I may not know them if i saw them somewhere on the road. and because of the family 'politics' i have in my family, there are few of my cousins that we actually lost touch with.

I actually missed those times when we were small. playing here and there together. you just click with everyone. now..... we are like strangers. one of my cousins passed away early this morning. and today i get to meet my cousin for the first time after.... say.... 6 years or more??? somehow i feel it is not us that destroyed the bond. but its our parents fault. hahaha... (of course. who else to blame?)

going through the photo albums, i wish that things are still the same. i wouldnt want my children to end up marrying their own cousins at the end of the day though.

kucing

this is a continuance about subject of cats or pets. i am btw very flexible. i love cats.. simply lurv love luv CATS! hahaha... but im allergic. for some reason. and if society werent so judgmental, i'll cuddle a dog in a heartbeat..

That is not my point. my highlight is on animal cruelty. have you ever watched a cat being kicked and hurt just just for begging for a piece of your food? have you been guilty of giving those hurtful blows? im not trying to tell you it is completely mandatory for you to give them food. i have ignored this pleading looks when im having dinner. but i will not stoop so low so as to hurt them. he's not bothering you. just your conscience (if you own one). if a cat has its boundaries i.e. he's not jumping onto the table to steal your food, you should know your boundary. have a bit of humanity. being kind to animals make you more human. its logic. you are after all 5 times its' size.

I lost my dog to human cruelty and the malay stigma. he came home one day limping and bleeding at the end of his life. coming back to us after being stoned by stupid malays. how do you justify that?

POINTS TO PONDER.

Since nama blog ni pon is based on kucing, maka tak sah la kalau tak de post on cats. So now, I would like to elaborate WHY people emphasized that you should be a responsible owner to your cat(s) or pet(s) in general, especially cats and dogs.

FIRST, think over and over again before having a pet. ask yourself whether you REALLY want to have them and willing to sacrifice for your pet or you just wanted to have them because you are jealous that your neighbour have a lots of cats and they carry it around while you have to just look and be jealous. the purpose of having pet is not showing off. it is for you to handle and practice your responsibility because honestly, it is not that easy. put in mind that you are actually handling another living creatures' life. and it is your responsibility whether that animal will be happy and healthy.

SECOND, you would want to make sure that you have everything that your pet needs. food, water, litter tray, love, clean environment and so on. AND you would also want to make sure that you DO NOT by having pets at home disturb your neighbours in ANY way. "disturb" can be defined in many ways. one of them is disturb-ing through SMELL. make sure you clean the litter tray daily or when it is necessary. this is IMPORTANT not only for the comfort of your pet or cat, but it is also for the comfort of your neighbours. jangan jadi macam jiran sebelah rumah aku. letak sankar kucing kat depan and tak bersihkan litter tray, everytime aku nak masuk rumah, bau die.... fuh. macam ade bangkai. I actually have to peep to make sure that tak de kucing mati without them realising it.

THIRD, another IMPORTANT reason you should be responsible is because you could lead to the enormous number of stray animals. if you are blessed with a female cat or dog, and you think you wouldnt want or cannot afford to have the babies, make sure you take the necessary precautions such as neuter or just keep them indoors to prevent or males from 'attacking' her. Let me tell you why this is important. once you FAILED to do that and your cat or dog got pregnant and have babies, you would start finding people to give them away. then, your friends, (im talking about kids who wanted to have pet, and the parents being too busy working just go and buy it and leave the animal to you solely and doesnt give a damn care about the animal) came and said: 'oh, I want this one. no, no I want this one' (whatever), your friends then keep the pet. then, what happened is that your friends, are the sort like you, tak reti jaga, then they got pregnant pulak. then, they'll start asking their OTHER friends.

the point is, in the end, because of your irresponsibility towards your pet, more and more of them are born and finally the last resort is to just dumped them somewhere or anywhere. it is somehow weird when the organisations such as SPCA and PAWS tried their best to save the animals but it is never ending because of ONE owner who DONT KNOW how to be responsible.

therefore, do take care of your pet properly. we wouldnt want to see stray here and there being abuse by stupid people who doesnt have pity towards helpless animals. I am not asking you to buy eaukanuba or royal canin for the strays, just treat them nicely. not by sticking a stick thru their throat. you wouldnt want me to do that to you dont you? of course you think it is impossible for me to do that because the police will come after me. but dont you think that your GOD will come after you LATER when you do that towards animals???


THINK ABOUT IT.

WELCOME

hahaha. perasan btol me-welcome diri sendiri.

i joined moots again. one last time. let me justify this to console myself. the thing is i have been out for more than a year and for each and every competition i judged, i have this desire to jump out the seat and present my case.

I TASTED the anxiety of moot. the helplessness. the depression of facing all of it is so fresh that nothing in this world can erase the scar i had after that first one. AND yet with all that in mind i was willingly-forced into another competition. one last thing to cure my itch..

there is just something about moot. i hear people try to explain moot to attract more students to join yet it is unjustifiable and unattractive. a great mooter cannot persuade one to join if one do not want it in the first place. urgh i hate moots but i love it with such feeling (bipolar alert). hahaha

THERE IS NO REASONABLE REASON UNDER THE SUN for me to go through this again but one inexplicable desire that cannot be erased.

ONE CONSOLATION. tayan have always been there and will continue to be there with me and for me. every way :)

party... party?? party..... haih....

So.... another invitation. what should i respond?? last year's event was definitely way beyond imagination. that was the end of everything that can happened. we are supposed to be one of the 'important' people. well.... of course. but because we are the ones doing everything. of course we are important. without us there wont be the party...

i dont know whether i want to go for this year's party. afraid i will be dissapointed again... of course i wouldnt want to repeat the same thing twice. going over the misery of being left like a weirdo and people making fun of you... therefore.... i shall think about it DEEPLY. no worries... the party will still be fun without me.. i am not that important tho.

bila anak melayu terlebih kreatif.

Kenapa bile raya puasa mesti ade orang hilang jari, mata or kepala sebab mercun? kenapa raya cina or deepavali tak de?

inilah yang terjadi bile kite terlebih kreatif. orang lain raya jugak. main mercun jugak. lagi la pakai mercun hari merdeka. tak de pon kes melecur sana sini. kenapa bile bab mercun ramai je kreatif tapi bila suruh buat peta minda sume blur. (peta minda?? ape tu. haha..)

masalah nye bukan mercun seludup tu yang defect. otak kanak kanak yang defect. kat mercun tu sendiri dah tulis jangan hala kat orang. tak.... die nak jugak hala kat orang. dah cakap jangan letak tempat bukan bukan... TAAAKKK.... nak jugak letak dalam ekzos la, botol plastik la.. pastu bile meletup terkena serpih sape susah? mak ayah jugak susah. kena bayar bil hospital. diri sendiri jugak susah... tak leh beraya cukup sifat... heh...

arakian itu ingin saya nasihatkan supaya main lah mercun dengan bertanggungjawab untuk kesejahteraan sume pihak. time nak raya ambulans sibuk sebab banyak accident. jangan nanti ambulans lambat sampai mata buta salahkan kerajaan. salahkan diri sendiri yang tak tahu jaga perilaku anak dan juga anak tu salahkan la diri sendiri bebal sangat otak tu. PADAN MUKA.

jiran saye yang HARAM.

Pagi jalan kaki pegi sekolah. lepas perhimpunan lompat pagar hisap rokok. lepas tu naik motor ramai ramai merempit. bile mak bapak da pegi keje balik rumah berkumpul depan rumah, test asap motor. menjerit sana sini. puntung rokok bersepah campak kat rumah orang. malam kumpul lagi. mak bapak balik tengah malam hon suruh orang gaji bukak pintu. bawak mercedes. anak hisap rokok depan rumah..... LANTAK KAU LA.

cuba teka berapa umur budak tu? duduk kat mana??

budak tu tingkatan..... ntah 1 ke 3???
dan mereka bukan duduk di squatters haram. mereka duduk di kawasan perumahan yang penuh dengan orang tua yang civilized. dan mereka MENCACATKAN keharmonian rukun tetangga kawasan perumahan itu.

hahaha... sound sangat 'lame'. but yet here they are. after 5 years??? same old attitude they bring from wherever they were. tak considerate langsung. perangai macam fuck. the whole neighbourhood complain. if only boleh halau orang sesuka hati memang aku da halau. budget bawak mercedes company. tak kan tak de duit nak duplicate kunci? kau duduk kat hutan ke takde kedai 'bikin kunci'?? ni balik tengah malam hon macam orang gile. orang lain nak tido pon tak senang. tak pon mesej la anak tu. telepon ke. sekor sekor telepon bergantung kat leher. REMPIT la katekan. tapi tak reti bapak tu nak suruh bukak pagar. WTF.

sumpah annoyed. kalau boleh bile da grad and keje.... kau tunggu la aku amek tindakan mahkamah kerana menggangu ketenteraman awam. this is not a trivial matter. LIMA TAHUN aku emotionally stress. aku tak mintak damages beribu ribu. cukup injuction untuk halau kau keluar duduk jauh daripada aku.

YOU DUMP, YOU DIE.

DEATH SENTENCE.

New issue. death penalty for dumping baby and baby tu mati. I say... WHY NOT? of course death penalty was meant for murder. if it could help untuk mengurangkan kes pembuangan baby yang semakin banyak each and everyday. Of course some parties will argue and say that is it fair to kill two people just for the sake of them killing a baby that doesnt have any life yet? they(the murderers) still have responsibilities and life ahead of them. haha.. OF COURSE. do you mean their responsibility of having sex out of wedlock?? their responsibility of DUMPING another baby in the future??

the baby deserve a life too. you enjoyed your life and made the baby... the baby deserve the right to have a taste of life too. the reason for me to agree to this punishment is so that people will think twice before dumping their babies... and at least people will learn to practice safe sex if dah gatal sangat.

BE RESPONSIBLE for your own act. jangan pandai nak have sex and when dah pregnant simply throw the baby away. if only the ghost of the baby can come and disturb you every night tak pe jugak. but i dont think they do. so the best solution is DEATH PENALTY.

FIVE YEARS.

It took me FIVE years to finally get over the accident with that stupid lorry. and now it will take me another FIVE fucking years to get over that stupid blue saga. unless..... aku jumpa kete die tu anywhere and i'll take my steering lock and bantai pintu kete die kasi hancur macam hati aku... then i can finally smile :)

two accidents, both wasnt my fault. and now aku da takut nak drive. fucking thank you to lelaki 2 orang yang tak guna tu. for ROBBING my confidence. whenever i ever see you again. you wish you never even cross my path in the first place..

Donut.

Sometimes I do wish I could turn back time. they said the best is to learn from your mistakes. but whats the point of learning when nothing can be done anymore? contohnye: kau tak sempat nak selamatkan orang terjun bangunan. if you learn from your mistake, MAYBE kau dapat save kan orang lain. but orang yang kau tak dapat selamatkan tu tetap mati. BUT if you turn back time, you can save THAT person and orang orang lain lagi... you save extra live. AMACAM?? btol tak. hahaha...

Now I do wish I could go back to the time masa matrix. from the beginning even until nilai. I missed the time menggila kat pj. and surprisingly I do missed the time kat nilai too. Sumpah nilai was like the worst time i could ever go through in my life. but that is also one of the best part in life. not forgeting the melenjan, the hot weather, the never-ending arabic classes.... not forgetting the friends... gile hebat. In a way i wish the situation akan sama sampai gombak.. UNFORTUNATELY...... tidak...

Well, to YOU.... i never regret our friendship. cuma terkilan and agak hurt because everything seems like a lie. i read few messages between us dulu, honestly menyedihkan. like.. why must things change? why DO you change?? kenapa kena based our friendship on a lie. of course i would accept you the way you are... tapi.. tak pe la.. it doesnt matter. maybe its better this way.

Thank you and enjoy life :)

19.6.10.

I came across an article in The Star today (19 june 2010) on Malaysia needs to end laws that allow arbitrary detention. this was said by the UN. I then browse through the UN website to actually know what is UN about. It is stated in their charter that their purpose is to maintain international peace, respect for human rights, and many other things promoting the world peace.

and now another step is taken in so called 'promoting' or 'respecting' human rights is asking malaysia to stop arbitrary detention. im actually neutral in this matter as there is the good and the bad side of the detention. the bad is of course when it is used wrongfully to detain people. however im not posting to talk about the pros and cons.

what i wanted to say is that why focus on something that doesnt effect the WORLD peace rather than telling the israel to stop bombing the gaza WITHOUT just cause? or on their attack on the ships that carry medical and food aid to the gaza? shouldnt you tell them to do something? to stop disturbing other people and PROMOTING peace to gaza.

maybe you should remember that people in gaza are also human and therefore they are entitled for the same human rights as other countries. although it may differ but i am sure that there is no countries that allow such violation to the people in living their lives in peace and harmony.

THAT IS WHAT YOU SHOULD DO. TELL THE ISRAEL THAT THE VIOLATE THE HUMAN RIGHTS OF THE HUMAN IN GAZA, NOT JUST A MERE ARBITRARY DETENTION THAT DOES NOT HARM THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE.

this is just my opinion without any good research. or maybe i wrongly understand what the article is all about. haha..

Useless lessons in life.

1. When your mom wanted to buy a small dining table insisting that she no longer cook that much and the table could fit the few dishes she cook, JANGAN PERCAYA. over time, she might again love to cook and the table just couldnt fit everything.

2. Invest on a steering lock for your car. Not only it can help to prevent theft, but you can also use it when you are involve in an accident and it is totally not your fault. Fungsinye: pukul orang tu. after all, not only your car kemek, but also your heart. Hit him harder if he doesnt want to pay!

3. Knock before you enter your friend's room. Trust me. you do NOT want to catch them making out whichever style that is.

4. NEVER lend your shoes to your friends. they might end up not returning it at all, or they have smelly feet as they do not like to wear socks.

5. do not be over sensitive when one of your friends have a bestfriend. you have your own boyfriend or girlfriend, just let them be happy single but at least with a bestfriend.

6. do not move in together before marriage. if you think you can handle living together, you might as well just get married. at least you dont have to worry about jais or any 'accident'.

7. when one of your friends' father passed away suddenly without you knowing the reason, NEVER assume he dies in a prostitution house. Dosa besar fitnah orang berzina. ishishish....