MY LIFE. YOUR CHOICE.

this is never what i wanted. i know what i want. but i never had the chance to do it my way. i remember when after spm when people busy choosing what U to enter and I specifically hope not to be here. my friend once said: " sekali dapat ..."
and i replied 'reflextively' dengan pantas nye: "memang tak aa kan!" it fine i didnt get to join the army or piloting or engineering. but please at least a place i like. eventually i happened to be here anyways.... not my choice at all but here i am. they decide it for me and i am left with no choice.

DREADFULLY.... i enter. i remember crying the first day during registration. WTH. tepi rumah je kot. I dont know. maybe because thats the end of my dreams. i now have to change. not only taking the things that i dont even think i'll be taking. but then the pressure of taking arabic was so great. my fault. im not the type that will reject right on their face. i spend TWO years in matrix. for arabic. when in the end im not even taking syariah. but its fine. at least extra language.

now im going to enter my third year when thinking of dropping out is totally absurd. i used to look to the brighter side: "alaa.... at least you can take aviation law later on and master it"... but i realised... i dont like reading and learning things that way. i want to do it practically. i want to feel things on my hand. not stuff them in my brain. i cant really remember things anyway. sangat tak faham concept exams when i forget everything the moment i stepped out from the exam hall. i feel like im wasting my time FIVE years doing nothing.

'kak long' pernah cakap:" ape guna jadi lilin menerangi orang lain when kite sendiri terbakar". that is so true. what is the point of satisfying others when YOU the one who is caring the burden is hurting. but i know theres nothing i can do to change my world. the ball is not in my hand. maka...... now i am left alone hurt when i saw other people is finally now a pilot. when i am here... right here now, stuck with the most BORING thing in the WHOLE WIDE WORLD for another few years until i can start with something else.

AND I NEVER LIKED IT HERE. AND NEVER WILL.